Via Yggy Smalls, Jason Linkins comes up with the best meme in a long time. Put your iPod on shuffle and see how long it takes to come up with a song that would disqualify you from the presidency. Let's go.
Track two is "Pretty Good Year" by the Loved Ones. I don't think that this is a deal breaker, but it does contain the netroots-nodding lyric "I've been trusting crooks and liars like I don't have any friends." That'll at least be good for some Inhofe-based denunciation and a knuckle-rapping Washington Post editorial.
Track four is T.I. and Jay-Z's response to Lil Wayne and Gucci Mane, "Watch What You Say." There's a lot of implied violence and harsh language. But most voters probably think that "You see me coming and you know I'm tooled up" means that they're in for some help at the Home Depot. My candidacy is limping, but it survives.
Track five: "Rub Till It Bleeds" by PJ Harvey. This is where my electoral ambitions should finally die. This track combines both blasphemy, revenge fantasies and raw female sexuality. You're not headlining any J-J Dinners after that shit. But let's say my primary opponent managed to offend the feminists. My candidacy may be fatally wounded, but I can hang on for a few months more, assisted by my diehards in the blogosphere.
Track six: "Ask Them Hoes" by Lil Wayne. And that's it, folks! No coming back from this one. "She's all on my dick cuz I make a lotta money." I've now managed to alienate the one constituency that stuck with me through my PJ Harvey-related troubles.
The DCeiver didn't design this one as an actual meme, but I'm taking over. I hereby request responses from Dr. iRack, Megan Carpentier, Baratunde Thurston, Anonymous Sec's, Mattos Locos, and you, in comments.
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Track 1: The Clash, “The Right Profile.” A song about a washed-up, pill-popping Montgomery Clift — debauched, yes, but too obscure a reference for anyone to care.
Track 2: Ollabelle, “Before This Time.” A gospel song? That not only negates Track 1, but probably raises my chances a bit.
Track 3: Cornershop, “Butter the Soul.” Instrumental, so no offending lyrics, but crazy sonic experimentation is, at the least, not a plus.
Track 4: The Clash, “Know Your Rights.” And The Only Band That Matters comes back to finish me off. No contest, really.
Not that I don’t have a few of the Darkened Anger That Alarms Tipper Gore type tunes. But being 1.5 generations removed from your core demographic, my old-fartism coughed up not much; to wit:
Crime Don’t Pay–Joe Jackson
Heart Full Of Soul–The Yardbirds
Cantaloop–Us 3
Jo-Jo–Miles Davis
Mood Indigo–Duke Ellington
We Dance Alone–Beck
Toccata–Enid Katahn, piano
Sweaters–Laurie Anderson
Who’s Gonna Save My Soul–Gnarls Barkley
Mezzamorphic–Bluetech
For Jim H.–Joe Pass, John Pisano
Scatterbrain–Jeff Beck
Natty Dread–Bob Marley
Octoroon–Laura Love
Canon alla Decima in Contrapunto alla Terza–Pierre-Laurent Aimard
Don’t Stop –Brazilian Girls
Celebration on the Planet Mars–Metropole Orchestra featuring The Beau Hunks Saxtette
Better World–B.B. King
Wake Up–Alanis Morissette
Blue Spark–X
Suite No.2 in D minor, Allemande–Pablo Casals
Jazz Me Blues–Bix Beiderbecke
The Downfall of the Adelphi Rolling Grist Mill–John Fahey
. . . etc etc. Most scandalous toward the top of a random sort of 5,763 tunes, at #61:
Vatican Rag–Tom Lehrer
Out at #3 or maybe #1 if the lyrics get questioned.
1. Spiderbait - Black Betty
2. Powderfinger - Belter
3. Cypress Hill - Make a Move
4. Nick Cave - Get Ready For Love
Am I too safe? Or perhaps I have a skewed idea of what’s acceptable. I had to go out all the way to #18… but I like it:
Search and Destroy — Iggy and the Stooges…
I was secretly hoping for Hamburger Lady, but mebbe next time. Lookout honey, ’cause I’m using technology.
You are the Master! I bow before your arrogance and chutzpah…Dude!
But I have one parting shot fer ya…..
These guys capture Murkkka as it truly is today. If Obama could get them up on stage then yeah…
I’d listen to his punk-ass jive.
I’m one & done with ‘Ye’s “Gangsta Gangsta”. No lyrics, a block rocking beat to be certain, but the title is lethal, my friend.
I accept your challenge, sir. I bow before your superior musical tastes, and submit that my utter lameness rather than any offensiveness would be what would disqualify me from the Presidency. I’m not really even cool enough to comment here.
4 clicks: Special K by Placebo - hard to become president with songs about gay club drugs.
Witch Hunt: Desparation - not easy to become president with their artwork.
Ted Leo: Loyal to My Sorrowful Country - not a chance in hell.
Don’t know the Placebo track, but I love those other two. Witch Hunt makes a great soundtrack if you ever go to a dinosaur exhibit. Trust me.
Knocked out in round 1
Prince-”Head”