Really, the star of Punisher War Zone is everyone’s accents. Ray Stevenson sometimes does Frank Castle as Titus Pullo, all crisp consonants, and other times as outer-borough ethnic. Julie Benz (Darla! With black hair because she’s supposed to be Sicilian!) can’t make up her mind between Sheepshead Bay and the nondescript enunciation of, say, the telemarketing pool. There’s a dreadlocked acrobat-gangster who’s forced to do an Irish brogue. Wayne Knight goes a little Jewwier. And then there’s Dominic West, who has found his moment: while the one American-inner-city accent he can pull off isn’t right for Baltimore, it’s totally serviceable for a dated caricature of a New York City crimeboss.

I’m not going to bother reviewing the movie. If you have inflated expectations of Punisher War Zone, the joke is on you. There’s a great scene in which the youthful greaseball cokehead gangster drops his guard for a brief pick-me-up and the Punisher punches through his face, which I truly hope someone will do to this obnoxious dilettante.