While Spence is in NYC hanging out with media types and upping his profile, I’m hijacking Attackerman to get a few things off my chest.  

Have you read the Wall Street Journal’s editorial page today? No, right? Because you look for opinions based on facts and logic, right? Well, in case you missed it, John Yoo has an opinion piece on why President Obama made a bad decision by vowing to close Guantanamo within a year.  

I picked out a few of my favorites. Feel free to contribute yours in the comments. 

He’s also drying up the most valuable sources of intelligence on al Qaeda, which, according to CIA Director Michael Hayden, has come largely out of the tough interrogation of high-level operatives during the early years of the war.

Please be more specific. The early years of which war? Afghanistan? Iraq? Terror? The point is that the early years of all three have long since passed us by. Nearly all of those held at Guantanamo have been there for at least four years if not more. What kind of awesome new intelligence could they possibly have?  

The CIA must now conduct interrogations according to the rules of the Army Field Manual, which prohibits coercive techniques, threats and promises, and the good-cop bad-cop routines used in police stations throughout America.

Not true. The updated manual specifically allows for good-cop bad-cop. (It’s also referred to as “Mutt and Jeff” which kind of sounds like a sitcom to me but was actually named after a comic strip.)  

Mr. Obama has also ordered that al Qaeda leaders are to be protected from "outrages on personal dignity" and "humiliating and degrading treatment" in accord with the Geneva Conventions. His new order amounts to requiring — on penalty of prosecution — that CIA interrogators be polite. 

Remember those police stations throughout America that Yoo mentioned? These techniques are banned there, too. If the judge ruling over the interrogation practices and military commissions in GuantanamoBay says that it’s torture, it’s fucking torture ok? There’s middle ground between torture and “polite” and that’s where the vast majority of effective law enforcement lies.  

It is naïve to say, as Mr. Obama did in his inaugural speech, that we can "reject as false the choice between our safety and our ideals." 

No, Mr. Yoo. Principles are different from naïveté. For the next four (eight!?) years, we’re hoping to color within the lines of the Constitution. 

For his finale, Yoo predictably and preemptively blames President Obama for the next terrorist attack. Of course he does. 

Overall, let me just say this: its closing time. Yoo doesn’t have to go home but he can’t stay here. The Bush administration is over. It’s like the old high school quarterback who’s the reliving his glory days while he’s fixing your furnace.  

Dude. Get out of my house.