OK, so the Kyrgyz Parliament has kicked the U.S. military out of the Manas airbase logistics hub. It’s not over, do you understand? Do you get it? Nothing’s official? What do you mean, calm down? I AM CALM –

I’m Bryan Whitman, all right? I’m the spokesman for the frigging Pentagon. I speak for Bob Gates. And no one has told Bob Gates, officially — I mean with finality and irreversibility and everything else that comes with officialdom — that we have to withdraw our forces from Manas. So I don’t have to listen to you tell me about what some parliament in a vowel-starved country votes to do. This decision is pending, not made. Look, we have a thing here, a fruitful and productive and fulfilling bilateral relationship to supply our forces in Afghanistan and I don’t expect someone like you to understand.

You know what? Whatever. We can find other air hubs. We’re the U.S. military and this is the world’s armpit. We’ll walk in there a celebrity on U Street during the inauguration. When they see what we’re prepared to spend, they’ll fall all over us. We’re through being manipulated like this. Worst comes to worst, we’ll holler at our ex.

Crossposted to The Streak.