It’s anyone’s guess why Miami rapper Rick Ross wanted to throw his career away with an unprovoked attack on 50 Cent. In what may go down among hip-hop’s greatest unforced errors, Ross, already under street scrutiny for working as a corrections officer despite his outsized boasts of cocaine kingpindom (”I know Noriega/ the real Noriega/ he owe me like a hundred favors”), released a song a month ago containing an out-of-nowhere attack on 50 Cent and G-Unit, including a low-blow boast that Ross would make love to the mother of 50’s child. Of course, 50 rose to power by relentlessly attacking Ja Rule as a fake thug, but in recent years he’s become a bully and his career has hit some roadblocks — declining sales, a cancelled reality TV show.

Now Rick Ross has played to 50’s proven strengths, and over the past month 50 has unleashed a devastating counterattack, complete with webvideos of, among other things, Rick Ross’s baby’s mother on 50-provided shopping sprees. Read this thread to get caught up. You’ll see why Mixtapekingz remarked “Who thinks Rick Ross already has a fork in his ass?” in its newest newsletter. (”50 Cent is back in rare form. Shout to Rick Ross’ baby moms. lol,” it continues.)

But what concerns me is all of the culinary imagery Ross employs on what may turn out to be his career’s videographic suicide note. An analysis after the jump.So here’s the video for Rick Ross’ “Mafia Music.” It’s an odd bird of an offering.

As you can see, Ross starts off the video by showing you his dinner. It looks like he’s enjoyed a hotel tray worth of roasted chicken and steamed vegetables before attacking 50, who’s a fitness fanatic. Perhaps that makes sense: Ross is massive, to the point where his weight appears to be a greater threat than 50 Cent. Is he sending the message that looks are deceiving — and in fact, he’s hungry for 50’s money/prestige/life? Perhaps, but notice that Ross has also cleaned a plate next to the hotel tray, which is mostly bereft when the video starts but for a lemon wedge, suggesting that there was a fish course as well. As he gets started, he takes a few grapes from a vine for his dessert.

My conclusion: Ross is just trying to say that he’s rich and can afford a big meal in a severe recession.

Other things that Ross puts in his mouth:

– a croissant

– a sandwich of some sort with fruit (mostly obscured)

– numerous blunts, complete with boasts that you can typically find him “smoking on a blunt/ in my own restaurant.” A routine Google reveals the restaurant is Miami’s Hip Hop Grub Spot, which offers “fast, fresh, healthy sandwiches, wraps, smoothies, and energy drinks.”

– his canary-diamond-studded bracelet, which Ross inexplicably starts licking with a bacteria-fuzzy tongue

Verdict: Rick Ross is hungry, and satisfied by unconventional choices. When the trays of eaten food make a reprise performance later in the video, Ross juxtaposes his white-meat-and-waterfowl meal with the line, “Beef’ll make your dinner/take a seat so we can eat.” He proceeds to deride 50 for keeping his “paws on the pork/ you eat from the bone while your dog need a fork,” presumably a reference to former G-Unit member Young Buck’s complaint that he didn’t make money off his affiliation with 50.

Still, this is basically Rick Ross’ last meal, his final fit, his final bellyache with no alarms and no surprises. I’d want something a lot more satisfying if I was going to fuck with 50, knowing it would bring imminent doom. My lunch today, for instance was a slow-cooked Korean-style beef shortrib with coconut-milk flavored mashed potatoes; a pickled slaw of red cabbage, shredded carrot, bean sprouts and parsley; and a Thai peanut salad, all of which Mandy and I prepared on Saturday. It kept well enough that I called up some Money And The Power reruns on YouTube. (Yo, Cornbreadd! You were going to take that shit.)

Crossposted to the Internet Food Association.