What al-Qaeda lacks in capabilities it’s making up for in bravado. Evan Kohlmann emailed out a statement from al-Qaeda in the Arabian Peninsula warning of an ultra-mega-terror attack on the way.

After an interminable amount of pseudo-religious and pseudoscientific gibberish — seriously, these guys are as lucid as the fucking New Israelites who play dress-up by the Columbia Heights Metro — AQAP dances around the question of why Abdulmutallab’s superawesome rectal-borne bomb didn’t explode, and comes to the considered judgment that we don’t need to know. Then we get this:

What I want to tell the Muslims in this article is that the mujahideen have acquired a highly-explosive material with power that exceeds the classic high explosives like “PETN” and “TNT” and “RDX” and others, and it is being prepared and tested.

The world experts in the fields of engineering and explosives-manufacturing could not identify the material used in the fuse and the method of detonation until now. Is it the same kind in both devices? The mechanism of detonation? Is the mechanism of detonation in both operations similar or different, and what is the difference?

Yes, secrets remain and will not be uncovered—Allah-willing.

Muhuhahahahaha… If these guys failed to detonate Northwest Flight 253 and failed to kill Saudi Prince Nayef, do I really run the risk of undermining our justified counterterrorist vigilance by pointing out out that these guys are writing checks their ass-bombs can’t cash? AQAP actually ends this parody of a terrorist boast by begging for technical help!

I call upon all the doctors (or, professors) who studied the science of chemistry to correspond with the mujahideen, whether in the fields of general chemistry, organic, analytical, nuclear or biochemistry, and to stand with us in finishing some of the theoretical and practical research, and we seek Allah in assistance and we depend on him, and all control and power are in [the hands of] Allah.

There’s a word for this: pathetic. Their end is coming. There’s no need to shred the Constitution to do it.